28 days later.

Last year around Christmastime, I made some holiday wall hangings for Liam's room. They turned out really cute and I had so much fun making them I thought, "If only I had started this earlier! I could have made an entire book of pictures, like the ABCs of Christmas!" As soon as we took down the tree I forgot all about it, of course. But when I dove back in to the construction paper at Halloween, I remembered. And, there was enough time before Christmas to make it happen!

Well, sort of. I mean, once I decided that this was the year to do it, I had just enough time to maybe get it done. I looked at the calendar on November 2nd and realized if I made 3 or 4 pictures a day, every day, I would just barely get finished in time for Christmas. It seemed like a long shot but when I told my friend Erin about it later that night, she told me I should totally do it. Then we ordered one last pitcher of beer (always the one you regret the next day) and that sealed the deal.

I was making a children's book.

So, the next day, I got started. And then, four weeks later, I sent a big PDF off to be made into a book and thought, "Holy crap! Where am I? What happened to November? I missed my birthday and my sister and mom visiting and Thanksgiving and... wait, where's my son? Do I have a husband? Whose house is this? What the F happened!?!"

Okay, so I didn't completely miss out on everything. I still experienced November, just in a very abbreviated, one-track mind sort of way:

I (quickly) celebrated my birthday...

And (sort-of) hung out with my sister...

Go team Snuggie!

And spent (a little) quality time with my mom...

I was thankful on Thanksgiving...

He cooked the entire meal (for 12!) and it was soooo goooood...

And my son is doing really well.

Self portrait: "Two Liams in a circle"

Who said I couldn't multi-task?

Once I got started, the project took on a life of its own. Initially I wanted to make pictures for each letter of the alphabet - you know, like C for Candy Cane, T for Tree...inanimate, easy-to-draw stuff like that. I was trying to avoid people all together since I didn't know how to draw faces and didn't even want to think about making hands. But once I was knee deep in scraps of paper, I don't know what happened. It was like suddenly I was making things I had no idea I knew how to make.

For example, I made a Gingerbread House for the letters G and H. And it was fine. But it just wasn't doing it for me. So I went back to the drawing board and the next thing I knew I was working on a tiny paper Bill and Liam making a gingerbread house:

Then I got all kinds of crazy. Not only did I make a tiny little gingerbread house but I made really, really tiny candy to decorate it. And I needed somewhere to store the candy so I made itsy bitsy mason jars! (My first attempt at suckers is on the right; my second more perfect looking attempt is on the left. Who knew I was like this?!)

And, finally, the finished product!

(Or, at least what I thought was the finished product until I realized I still had to scan and Photoshop and re-size and mess up a few hundred times before finally, hopefully, fingers crossed, getting it totally finished and ready to print.)

This whole thing still comes as a bit of a shock to me. That I started it and finished it for sure, but more that I was so focused and detail oriented in the process.

I mean, this type of careful, perfect work is just not something I knew I was capable of. I'm used to this kind of stuff.

And, 90 seconds later, this kind of stuff.

And then, having no idea how to clean up such a mess, this kind of stuff:

I don't even know what Borax is or why I have it in my house. Why the hell I let my child dump it all over his coffee-covered toys and carpet is beyond me.

Now that's my style.

So, who the heck cut out all the tiny holly leaves to make a wreath?

I don't know, but I like her. She's focused.

So, anyway, that's where I've been ALL MONTH LONG. And all I have to show for it is a book! A real, honest-to-goodness BOOK that I wrote and illustrated and made from scratch. Amazing! I'm kind of in shock and really, really excited. And, fingers crossed, it should be ready soon. Like, before Christmas! If everything goes as planned it will be available on Amazon and probably Etsy and maybe even right here on this blog (if I can figure out how to make that happen, I totally will). I have a printed out copy that Liam asks me to read to him at least a couple of times a day - I'm hopeful that your kids will enjoy it just as much.

I'll tell you all about it really soon. I promise!

(Oh, and in case you're wondering, the Borax totally worked! Goes to show, just because you don't know what you're doing doesn't mean a thing. Go ahead and do it anyway - the results just might shock the pants off of you.)

Two.

It has been two years since I started this blog! (And almost two weeks since I posted anything but who's counting...) Whew! Where has the time gone? It seems like only yesterday I was writing and posting on a regular basis. And now? Well... let's just say those were the good ol' days.

How about to celebrate this momentous occasion I'll tell you about some of the things I would have written about this week (or last week) if I had more time and/or time management skills? Sound fun? Let's go!

I saw a homeless man pushing around a vacuum cleaner in his shopping cart. What?! I could have written for days about something as ludicrous as that! (And I would have found a way to work in how much I love my new Dyson!)

I dropped and broke another camera. Now I have to use the good one if I want to take pictures and I'm afraid I just can't be bothered. Turns out I'm a point-and-shoot kind of gal.

Bill and I saw Leonard Cohen and he opened the show with Dance Me to the End of Love- the song we had read at our wedding! If that's not a post, I don't know what is!

Liam had a nightmare about Tivo!

I cooked and ate and enjoyed fish. This is kind of a big deal. You'd understand if I had taken the time to write about it in excruciating detail.

Bill fell in a stream while holding Liam. After he went on and on about how I shouldn't try crossing it because I would probably fall in and hurt myself or, at the very least, break the good camera. Ha!

Uh, what else... Oh, just freaking HALLOWEEN! Not only is it like the most fun holiday of the entire year, there are also costumes. Which means, the pictures? Extra cute. Here's what I probably would have posted a week ago had I gotten it together in time:

I'm involved in a messy affair with a ream of construction paper and several glue sticks. It takes up all my time and makes every surface of my home look like a paper shredder threw up on it. It's awesome. Hopefully you'll get to see our love child very soon...

When I'm not working on my project or doing all the other stuff I'm supposed to be doing, I am obsessing about how badly I want the brown fuzzy Snuggie I spotted at Costco. I was totally content wearing my bathrobe backwards before I saw that thing. Now I want the real deal.

Oh, hell yes.

Speaking of which, there are at least a couple posts I could write about Costco at any given time.

I took all of Liam's old clothes out of the basement, washed them and put them into proper storage boxes (the trash bags I originally used were not cutting it anymore). He used to be a baby, you know...

This parenting business is heartbreaking work.

So, yeah. I guess that's it. Happy anniversary, No Mommy Brain! If this is the beginning of the terrible twos, we're all in trouble...

THANK YOU for all the support and love and feedback you have given me over the last two years. If it wasn't for you (yes, you!) who knows if I'd still be writing. I appreciate you more than you may ever know.

Tricked out | DIY Halloween decorations.

I came up with another totally legit reason to get crafty: Halloween! Now, I don't mean any disrespect to my son, but this might be my most favorite thing I've ever made:

It's just construction paper pictures I made to spell out trick-or-treat. It hangs outside on the front porch and makes me crazy happy every time I see it. Here are some close ups of a few of my favorite letters:

Oh, what fun I had hunched over the coffee table cutting and gluing and coming up with clever ideas like, A skeleton can totally make a K! It does not take much to amuse me...

(PS - If you aren't all selfish and OCD when it comes to crafting, making letters into pictures would be a perfect activity to do with your kids!)

Once the outside was all tricked out (ha!), I moved inside to up the spooky factor just a bit. Our front entry hall is a great place to decorate because it's a neutral space that sets the holiday mood without making us feel like we've moved to a cheesy theme restaurant (the exception, of course, is Christmas - I want this baby dripping with holiday goodness come December 1st). Here's our haunted hall of terror:

The skeleton is a sketch a friend of ours did. I used to have it out all the time but bringing it out just for Halloween makes it feel much more special. And totally appropriate, don't you think? The only other major decoration I did in the house was a collage of photos from Halloweens-past.

Halloween photos are often the best of the best but having them up all year round doesn't quite work. This big frame ($9 at Dollar General) lets us enjoy our fun photos and old costumes once a year without the novelty wearing off. What a spooktacular idea! (In case you're wondering - the photo in the bottom left corner is me and Bill when we were Patsy and Edina from Ab Fab; on the right hand side, just below the group photo at the pumpkin patch, is Bill dressed as a sock monkey...any others you're curious about, just ask!).

Happy crafting!

Lessons learned last night.

1. If you happen to live in a crazy state like Tennessee and are invited to a party on a Sunday, make sure to stop by the wine shop on Saturday when it is legal to buy alcohol. Otherwise you will be stuck trying to decide between A) bringing nothing, B) bringing beer (I like beer as much as the next guy but when the invitation is for an all-girls clothing exchange and wine tasting, showing up with an ice cold sixer seems a little, oh I don't know, redneck), or C) coming up with something else to bring that will make up for the fact that you are a terrible guest who is unable to follow simple instructions and plan ahead.

2. When a recipe instructs you to "fill cupcake tins half full", just do it. There is absolutely no reason to keep filling and filling until all the batter is gone. Not wanting to waste batter or get out another pan are not good reasons. Trust me. You will thank yourself later.

3. Trying to get overfilled cupcakes out of the tin is hard; trying to get them out while they're still hot? Impossible.

4. Baked goods - even ugly baked goods that took the jaws of life to be pried from a cupcake tin - can make up for just about anything. Why say, I'm late and kinda grumpy and I forgot to buy wine when you could just say, I brought cupcakes and they're still warm!

5. While drinking can be an excellent way to nip a bad mood in the bud, be warned: negativity can greatly increase the speed at which one drinks. If you happen to be the only one drinking a particular white wine and you suddenly notice the bottle is dangerously close to empty, SLOW THE F DOWN! Maybe drink some water or have a bite to eat. Whatever you do, don't make an ass out of yourself again. Once is funny, twice is a problem.

6. A little box of spices called "The 2 Alarm Chili Kit" makes a damn fine pot of chili.

7. Swapping funny stories and laughing with friends is a sure fire way to brighten your mood. Some might say it's even more effective than power drinking wine and eating chocolate.

8. Coming home to your husband in nothing but a trench coat and a pair of boots is only sexy in the movies. In reality, your husband is probably sound asleep and will not necessarily appreciate being woken up by his drunk wife standing over him saying, Hey, check it out. Wanna see what I got? I bet you do. Wake up. Babe? Waaake UP! Like my coat? Huh? You like this? Ba-dam! He'll probably be like, Why do you smell like smoke? which will be a total letdown after getting all pumped up on the ride home as you froze your bare ass off and sang Tom Petty's American Girl at the top of your lungs.

Saving on kinetic.

So, as it turns out, I'm lazy. This doesn't come as a shock or anything, it's just something that has been jumping up and biting me on the ass a lot lately. When you're lazy, you can't help but know it. The signs are everywhere: there's the laundry that outgrew the confines of the laundry basket several days before you noticed; the tissue on the floor from the time you blew your nose, tried to make a basket, missed, and walked away without a rebound; the lunch dishes that are still waiting to be cleaned when dinner rolls around; and everything you touched throughout the day lying just where you left it (kinda like a trail of breadcrumbs only decidedly less helpful).

It's not that I'm sitting around watching soaps and eating bon bons all day. (Although, how great does that sound?) I actually try really hard. But I think it's slowly starting to dawn on me that the reason I have to try so hard is because of my laziness. If I just did things right the first time, there would be so much LESS work to do later.

To give you an idea what I'm talking about, here are some of my recent worst of moments:

Letting the dog in from the back yard on a rainy day and being too lazy to dry her off.
Time saved: 1 minute.
Time lost: 45 minutes (30 for mopping the floors, 5 for cursing the dog, 10 for whining and bitching about the wet dog and the dirty floors).

Letting Liam eat "breakfast" in bed with me while I dilly dallied on the computer and put off getting up and starting the day.
Perk: Mama got to stay in bed an extra 30 minutes!
Drawback: Mama had to wash all the bedding (even though it had only been two days and one cup of red Jello since the last change of sheets).

Cleaning (most of) the house for a party by shoving all the clutter and piles of crap into the spare room and shutting the door.
Would have been a great solution: If I was a good enough liar to just take a stinking compliment instead of saying, "Oh, thanks. Yeah, it looks pretty good as long as you don't open this door..." And then opening it up to show people I wasn't kidding around. Plus there's that sinking feeling that happens when you go to clean that part of the house a week later and discover important things like bills hiding in there. And trying to reintroduce that stuff back into the house? Please. My week long effort has made freeing Willy look like a piece of piss. Evidently I can only have 90% of my house clean at one time. What the hell do I do when people come visit and sleep in that room? Oh yeah, tell them not to open the closets...

See what I mean? If I wasn't so lazy on the front end, I wouldn't have to work so hard on the back end. Actually...wait a minute. I think I'm coming up with a solution. See, it's not exactly laziness that's my problem, it's timing. If I could embrace my laziness and make it work for me, instead of against me, I would totally be in business.

I need to take back the word and own it. Kinda like how feminists did with bitch. I'll be like, Hell yeah I'm lazy! I do little things all day long that save me from having to do big things later. I make so much less work for myself, I can veg out in front of the TV like TWICE as much as I used to. I don't let my dishwasher sit full of clean dishes because I know it's just a matter of time before my sink fills up with dirty dishes. I empty it right away because I'm a lazy motherfucker!

It seems like a better solution than trying not to be lazy, right? I mean, let's be honest - that is just NOT going to happen. Because it sounds really hard and, well, you know, the laziness.

Clean LIAM now...

...or clean EVERYTHING later.

Stop! Dada time.

I'm working today at the Tennessee State Museum gift shop. It's my third Saturday here and the third Saturday Bill and Liam have come to see me. The first week they needed to get the car seat out of my car so they could go to Costco to get some frozen chicken and a "church of ice cream" (the peak on a soft serve reminds Liam of a steeple). The next week I forgot my cell phone and my glasses. Today I needed coffee. Secretly, we just really like each other and are slightly co-dependent.

Every time I hear them tromping down the main stairs humming a Miss Courtney duet, or look up from my book the register and see them parading toward the gift shop like a couple of crazy hobos, my heart flutters a little and I can't help but giggle to myself.

They are always wearing the same clothes - Liam in red track pants, a Mexican hoodie and brown deck shoes; Bill in a paint splattered track suit, Clarks that are twice as old as Liam and a hippie beanie that is way too close to the color of his skin. Both have on swim trunks underneath.

They seem completely unfazed at the prospect of seeing me somewhere as strange and exotic as work. I stand there like someone who just got a hair cut and really wants a compliment without having to ask for one. Well? What do you think? I mean, look at me. I'm working! They're like, Oh yeaaaah. Working. Cool. Alright, well, we're taking our track suits and going to the pool now. Peace out.

I love witnessing their Dada and Liam time. And not just because the outfits are hilarious. There is something about them one-on-one that totally brings out their best. Bill is completely at home in his role of Super Dad and Liam seems more like a confident dude and less like my baby. It always catches me off guard making me feel incredibly proud yet strangely distant at the same time.

The best, though, are days like today. Seeing someone you love in an unfamiliar place is like getting to see them with a fresh pair of eyes. When you get used to seeing someone all the time, it's almost like you stop seeing them at all. I mean, it's not like you're going to have to point them out in a crowd or anything; just open your eyes and there they are, just like they were yesterday and the day before that and last week and forever. But when you don't see them for a little while (in me and Liam's case, an hour or so does the trick), the next time you lay eyes on them, especially somewhere unfamiliar, you get to see what everyone else sees. And it's glorious.

I've done this with Bill before, most notably the last time he picked me and Liam up from the airport. As we were walking closer and closer to the security gate, I noticed a really cute guy standing there waiting for someone. I was totally staring at him and probably would have eye flirted a little if I wasn't all ugly from the plane and pushing a stroller. I forced myself to look away before I got too close and would have walked right past him if he didn't step in front of us to hug his son.

When I see my boys together, though, I have to admit it's Liam who stuns me. He is so big and grown up it almost takes my breath away. I approach him cautiously as if he is someone other than the boy who hopped in the tub with me yesterday and snuggled up to me in bed this morning. I go in for the hug; he obliges politely then drifts away, captivated by something other than me. I can't take my eyes off of him. This is my son. This person browsing through a bin of mini erasers and watching his reflection in the jewlery case is Liam. It's almost enough to send me to work every Saturday.

The darling is in the details | DIY baby shower decorations.

This weekend I hosted a baby shower for my dear friend Linnet. She is due right around my birthday and if the baby is a girl, her middle name will be Day - my maiden name. Sure, the name was chosen before we met but, in my mind, this child is my name sake. Who else could possibly host the shower? Obviously no one but Maggie Day Conran.

(PS - whether the baby is a boy or a girl, it will always be Dennis to us. This is the name Liam started calling it months ago when he needed to refer to the baby as something other than the baby. So Dennis it is! As in, When can Pete, Linnet and Dennis come over for dinner? Who is going to hold Dennis when he comes out of Linnet's belly? How long until Dennis gets here? Are we going to help take care of Dennis? And so on, and so on...)

I love hosting parties but especially parties that involve real invitations. There's just something so special about sending paper mail - it's one of my all time favorite things to do. Done right, invitations kick off the party as soon as the guests rip open their hand-addressed envelopes. Not only do they set the tone and give a taste of what's to come, they are something in the mailbox other than bills and junk. I feel festive just thinking about it!

I found these invitations at Target and was really impressed with the quality of the paper and the overall look. They were easy to print at home and, at about a $1 each, delivered a lot of bang for not a lot of buck.

While I didn't go with a theme for the party, I did use the colors on the invitations as a jumping off point for decorations. Everything was muted neutrals/earth tones - orange, blue, green, brown, yellow... a perfect palette for a unisex shower. Here's what the house looked like as the guests arrived:

The poofs hanging from the porch were easily made with tissue paper and fishing line. The idea came from a friend who sent me to this site for step-by-step instructions. They were really easy (although I still managed to mess up as many as I got right...) and added some colorful whimsy to the front porch.

I made the hanging sign with scrapbook paper in coordinating colors (I drew and cut the letters by hand - thanks student government for giving me mad sign making skills!). I strung yarn between stick-on hooks and attached the letters with itty bitty clothes pins. It was a super cute way to welcome guests to the party and was lots of fun for me to make. I love projects like this and was happy to have a legitimate reason to get crafty.

This project was fairly easy as long as you don't count the time it took to make it happen. Picking out scrap book paper was an adventure in and of itself that required more than one trip to competing craft stores. Liam went with me, of course, and as we walked up and down the paper aisle for the hundredth time he asked, "Mama, what's wrong?"

"What do you mean, 'what's wrong'? Nothing's wrong! Why?"

"Because you keep saying, 'Ugh! This is making me crazy!'"

"Oh. That. Well, buddy, I guess Mama is just really picky and indecisive. That's all."

(PS - if you think scrap booking would be a really good legitimate reason for me to get crafty, you can think again. I lack the ability to do projects like this without making a humongous mess - the kind of mess that makes me itchy and uncomfortable for days on end. Scrap booking, while tempting, would most certainly be the death of me. I prefer to keep my memories tucked neatly inside the computer where I am less likely to trip over them.)

My living room is under there somewhere.

Inside, I kept the decorations to a minimum since my house already kinda matched the party (coincidence or clever planning?). I set out a few pots of flowers with coordinating ribbon (they doubled as game prizes!) and hung scrap book paper flags over the food table (double sided triangles strung together with yarn).

To get good use out of the leftover scrap book paper, I made little cards for the guests to write wishes for Dennis and Linnet (we shared them out loud when we sat down to open presents), made BINGO cards for baby present bingo (everyone filled in their game card with things they thought Linnet might get then crossed out the squares as she opened her gifts - it totally takes the pressure off mama-to-be), and decorated a sign up sheet with tiny paper houses (it takes a village to raise a child...this sheet gave us the chance to tell Linnet exactly what we want to do to help with Dennis!).

The yellow flowers are actually pens!
(Martha Stewart paper flower kit - $2 score @ Big Lots!)

The center square is a decorative freebie.

As far as food and drinks were concerned, I went with a pretty basic brunch menu that could be eaten standing up: sausage balls, baby quiches, muffins, pastries, fruit with cream cheese dip, mimosas and coffee (or plain OJ for preggo).

That cuteness in the back there? That's a gDiapers diaper cake that a friend of ours (who also happens to be Linnet's childbirth educator) made for the shower. This was not only incredibly thoughtful (Linnet plans to use gDiapers with Dennis) and adorable, it was also a really good excuse for us to get together for beers to "coordinate colors" and "match the cake to the shower decorations". I am nothing if not thorough.

I had a lot of fun planning and decorating for the shower and was happy with the way everything turned out. Most of all, though, I was grateful to have a few hours with the girls to celebrate our friend as she transitions from pregnancy (only 4 weeks to go!) to motherhood. It's an amazing journey; one that definitely deserves a celebration.