Friday, February 29, 2008

The winter of my discontent.

I feel like I'm in a daze. Like I have somehow managed to sleep walk through the last 2 months. February is OVER. We are almost a third of the way into 2008 and yet... where has it gone?

Law school has already sucked up most of this year. Studying for the LSAT; writing personal essays, statements of intent and resumes; filling out applications; gathering all the transcripts and Dean's letters and letters of recommendations. There is a reason not everyone pursues higher education. Even applying is a challenge. I hope I'm ready for this.

Listen to me. I'm not even the one who is planning to go to law school. I am simply supporting my husband - he's doing most of the heavy lifting himself. And he has a day job (or had one - hmmm, more on that later?). I think that makes it harder for me sometimes. I am an awful backseat driver. I want to either take the wheel or pop on my headphones and watch the world go by. I don't like to be a little bit in control. This has obviously been quite a struggle for me as a stay-at-home mom.

Everyone says the mom rules the house. And I agree. To a point. I can make sure the backseat is comfy and cozy and pack healthy snacks for us to eat on the road and get my child involved in a game of "I spy" along the way and read the map and tell the driver where I'd like to go but is that going to help steer the car? Maybe. Maybe not. Not knowing is hard for me.

I have to continue to have faith that my husband will steer us in a great direction. He continues to do everything he can to ensure this trip is fun for all of us. And I mean everything. My struggle with this has nothing to do with him. I know it's hard for him too. Sometimes I think he would be just as happy in the backseat.

I hope he realizes how much we appreciate him driving.

So, the whole law school thing has really consumed a lot of our time. But there's more to it than that. Liam and I have both been sick so much. It's like we CAN'T get better. I think it's probably lack of fresh air and exercise. The last thing I want to do when I don't feel well is venture out into the freezing cold for a brisk walk to the park. That's another thing. This weather is killing me. It's so cold and gray and depressing. It reminds me of the winter I lived in England. I think "lived" might be overstating it a bit. The winter I slept and smoked pot in England might be more accurate.

No wonder it's so expensive to live in California. Sunshine comes with a price.

Tomorrow is the first day of March. It is going to be a fresh start. Gone are the days of being sick and shutting ourselves in and moping around and forgetting to make dinner. Spring is a time of light and growth and new beginnings. I don't know or care what the groundhog said, spring is coming early this year.

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