Friday, August 22, 2008

This morning, I took the bronze.

Even though I would technically classify myself as a morning person, I'm no Miss Sunshine. It doesn't matter what time it is or how long I've slept (and I can sleep really late if I want to), I have to be dragged kicking and screaming from beneath the covers. Once I'm out of bed, I still have to wake up. Moving around helps. So does rubbing my eyes (I swear someone pours sand in my eyes while I sleep). And, of course, coffee.

This morning, as I moved around and rubbed my eyes and made the coffee, Mr. Bird who, if I didn't know for a fact that he was our other cat's son, would definitely be called Devil Spawn, launched into his morning routine from the confines of the laundry room.

First he did that deep, guttural meoorrwww! that cats on their way to the vet sometimes do. Then he climbed up my freshly painted door, hung by his claws and stared at me through the window. Then he dropped to the ground and clawed at the floor while meowing over and over and over again.

He did it later when I had a camera cause he's helpful like that.

When I shuffled and bumped my way over to the laundry room to grab him by the scruff and throw him outside, he ran into the bathroom and hid behind the toilet. The moment I shut the door and went back to making coffee, he started the whole routine again. One more time, from the top!

By my third attempt at opening the laundry room door really, really fast to scare him into running outside, my eyes were starting to function and I no longer ran into things as I walked. While I usually appreciate my morning clarity, today it meant I could now see the cat barf he had spewed all over my laundry room.

I muttered and cursed and cleaned everything up and did my best impression of a concerned pet owner, I guess you can stay behind the toilet if you're *sick*, and finally went back to making coffee and breakfast for my husband.

The timing actually worked out well and I felt a momentary sense of accomplishment as Bill strolled into the kitchen to a piping hot and ready-to-go coffee and toast meal (whole wheat toast with organic peanut butter and banana slices). I was about to take a hard-earned first swig of coffee when he looked down at his breakfast and said, "Hey, this isn't chocolate."

Hey? Like I'm supposed to remember that you mentioned last night that you'd like Nutella on your toast instead of peanut butter. Right. That was before it was 6:30 in the morning and my eyes were full of sand. Don't push me, Mister. There's room in the laundry room for two and I'm sure Mr. Barfy would appreciate the company.

I guess you could say I was a little groggy this morning. We haven't been getting nearly enough beauty sleep lately. It's because of the Olympics. We've got Olympic Fever. Bad. Bill says we're well past fever; what we've got is Olympic Bird Flu.

It's amazing to me that The Games have sucked me in like this. I've never been an athlete (aside from pretending to be a softball player for 9 years) or a big sports fan (when I was a football cheerleader, I had to wait for the crowd to respond to a play before I knew if it was good or bad), yet here I am night after night watching swimming and volleyball and gymnastics and whatever else comes on after dinner.

Last night I watched the men's and women's 4 X 100 track relay. It was tragic. During both races, team USA was in first place when they dropped the baton in the last leg of the relay. Can you imagine anything more heartbreaking? You train your whole life to run as fast as a cheetah and leave the Olympics disqualified because of a stupid baton.

As if that's not bad enough, immediately following the race, the athletes who dropped the baton were interviewed and expected to answer questions like, "What happened?" (Um, we dropped the baton?) and, "Did you practice the baton pass?" (You realize we're at the Olympics, right?).

Then the anchorman guy had the nerve to say the teams "Laid an egg in the Bird's Nest". That's just tacky.

Finally! Something that makes me glad I'm not an Olympian.

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