Sunday, September 7, 2008

I put the ass in classy.

When Liam woke up crying at 5:30 this morning, Bill got out of bed immediately and went to check on him. I lay in bed, half awake, half asleep, thinking, "Wow, I must have done something really good last night..." But then I wondered, "If I was so good, why does it taste like something died in my mouth? And who stuffed my head with cotton?" I got up to go to the bathroom and as my insides sloshed around wickedly and I tripped over the garbage can placed strategically next to the bed, it all came rushing back to me. I wasn't good at all last night.

Perhaps it had something to do with this:

My friend Robin hosted a wine and clothing exchange party that was really just the most fun idea in the whole wide world. Twenty to thirty women came to her house with a bag of clothing they no longer wanted and a bottle of wine. While we "tasted" the different wines and chatted amongst ourselves, groups of four (we drew numbers) went into a room full of clothing and accessories for 10 minutes to sort through the piles and choose five pieces to take home. Brilliant, right?

It was like one part thrift store shopping, one part wacky game show. Girls were trying on things you know they would never have picked out in a store but that looked absolutely adorable on them.

You'd see someone with something you had discarded and realize it was actually kinda cute...just not on you. In the first round I scored three fun tops and two pairs of earrings. I was completely satisfied with my new digs and didn't even think about returning to the pile.

But then, it got a little later and most of the girls left the party (it was only supposed to be from 6-8 but, you know, the wine…). I was standing around chatting with a couple girls when we realized there was still a huge pile of clothes just sitting there and maybe, just maybe, there were still some goodies to be found. So, we (reluctantly) put down our glasses of wine and dove into the pile.

It only took me a matter of seconds to come to the realization that, Hey! You know what? I’m wearing a one piece underwear garment that is practically like a swimsuit and wouldn’t it just be easier to try on clothes if I stripped down to my skivvies right here in your living room? Don’t worry, I’ll leave on the gladiator sandals. So off came my dress and there I stood, half nekkid, trying on anything and everything I could get my drunken little hands on.

I lied when I said I put down my wine.

At some point, I got an even better idea: Why don’t we put on a fashion show for the girls out on the back porch? Yeah, the cool girls who are like musicians and seriously way cooler than I will ever be because, you know, I’m running around a party in my postpartum girdle thing. Yeah, let’s go show them our outfits! And let’s pose a lot so they really get a feel for how awesome we are.

Yeah.

Once I paraded outside in nothing but my “swimsuit” and a leather jacket, I knew it was time to call it a night. Not in a reasonable, “Wow! There’s no way I could possibly top that,” kind of way. More in a, “I forgot to eat dinner and am suddenly so drunk I can’t believe it,” kind of way.

I returned home to my husband, who had been expecting me several hours earlier, with a green face, a mismatched outfit and a pile of new-to-me clothes. Then I promptly ran to the bathroom to end my 4-1/2 year vomit-free streak and spend the remainder of the evening hugging the toilet in nothing but my swimsuit and sandals.

6 comments:

Timshel said...

Oh my goodness. I just laughed out loud. It sounds like the "real" party happened after I left. I had the same kind of "I-have-had-too-much-wine-and-no-diner" when I realized I was the only adult in the room who was down on her hands and knees quacking the "ABCs" to Henrietta. Even she looked a little disgusted. I enjoyed meeting you too! I am definitely up for finding an excuse to do something that fun again soon. Maybe without the quacking. Well, actually....

fabulous foto blogger said...

Wow, it seems I left too early :) Sorry to miss the fashion show. Your photos are darling. Hope you don't mind if I steal a couple.

Anna said...

Ok, this is by far your best blog title yet! Another amazingly entertaining post, Maggie. I hate to have missed the body suit and leather jacket combo!

mockingbird said...

Oh, yes! You were Amazing Maggie! It was sooo much fun and it wouldn't have been half as fun with out you! Especially when you got nekkid. I need one of those one piece swimsuit dealios! Love you and thanks for being soo Friggin' Awesome!

Katie said...

Maggie, you rock! And Nashville suddenly seems so much cooler than Reno. What a great idea for a party, I will have to introduce it to my friends. We will substitute beer for the wine, but no doubt it will have the same ending!

Suzanne said...

This is great writing.