Wednesday, February 11, 2009

A birthday surprise.

I picked the wrong day to leave a dirty diaper on the front porch.

From a weather standpoint, I don't know what is going on out there. Today has been sunny, windy, rainy, stormy...you name it. The wind was so intense that a big limb snapped off one of our trees and our recycling bins busted out the back gate and went racing down the street. And the rain, well, it was so unpredictable and crazy that all three of us required a middle of the day change of clothes.

Liam and I had about five feet to walk from the deli to my car and in that five feet managed to both get entirely, head-to-toe, soaking wet. He bawled the entire ride home from the sheer shock of it (Mama, we had an umbrella and I am still wet EVERYWHERE!) while I held his hand from the front seat and tried not to laugh. We looked ridiculous - like a couple of cats who'd been thrown in a pool.

Not two minutes later, the downpour slowed to a drizzle and the sun peeked out from behind the clouds. I could have smacked myself for forgetting how to behave on a rainy day in Tennessee. You don't go outside in a downpour. You wait like 2 minutes until it lets up and save yourself from the humiliation of throwing a screaming, soaking child into the backseat while fighting with a miniature Diego umbrella, a car door that keeps closing on you and buckets of ferocious sideways rain (did I mention I was parked directly in front of the deli windows where perfectly sane people were eating their lunch? Yeah.). Bill forgot the rule too and came home for lunch soaked to the bone.

In weather like that, you can't just leave a diaper untethered outside. All it would take is one big gust of wind to send that thing flying off my porch and into the street. It wouldn't be the worst thing I've seen on the ground near my house (a partial weave, a used condom, lots of chicken bones...), but I am way too responsible to litter.

Although, if a big wind had blown the diaper off my porch, it wouldn't have been immediately apparent it was my responsibility. There are several diaper-aged kids on my street who could have taken the fall. Yeah, come to think of it, that would have been a much better fate than letting it just sit there all morning (and afternoon...). With it directly on my porch, next to my welcome mat, there is no doubt who was too lazy to take their kid's diaper to the trash. Me.

Most days it wouldn't have mattered all that much (I mean, not that it's ever OK but, you know...) but today is a special day. It's my dear husband's 32nd birthday. So, not only did he have to step over the diaper on his way in the door for lunch (happy birthday...), the mail lady and the UPS man had to leave birthday packages right next to a dirty diaper. That is above and beyond the call of duty.

Then, as if that wasn't bad enough, when I checked the mail, I found a card and a gift that someone had left for Bill. Like a friend or a neighbor or someone we know. How mortifying is that? Our mailbox in on our front porch and I am guessing they knocked on the door first which means they had to stand RIGHT NEXT TO A DIRTY DIAPER while waiting to see if I would open the door. Nice.

I am not sure yet who the secret admirer is but I am really crossing my fingers that it is someone with kids. Preferably kids who poop in their diapers on rainy and windy days when it's too much of a hassle to go all the way to the trash. A friend like that would probably understand. Right? It may not be something we parents are proud of but, just like the bumper sticker says, it happens.

So, happy birthday baby! The porch is poop free and it's time to celebrate!

1 comment:

sunT said...

hahahahahahaha! so, if there had been no dirty diaper you can guarantee there would be no ups. no fed ex. no gift card. no hubby at lunch.
its like when you have a clean house for weeks and the day you let hell break loose everyone decides to just "stop by" .. thats also the day you havent had a shower and decide not to wear a bra.
its fate.