Monday, June 22, 2009

Because knowledge is power.

Just a quick public service announcement:

Death by chocolate is NOT POSSIBBLE. If it was, I wouldn't be writing this right now. I would be dead. By chocolate. Brownies, specifically. A whole lotta brownies...

Do you remember that Sex and the City episode where Miranda bakes a cake because the one she really wants at the bakery is like $70 and that's just ridiculous even for Manhattan? So then she's home alone with a whole entire Duncan Hines cake (with chocolate frosting from the can!) and everyone knows, This is not going to end well. She eats a slice and then another slice and then, since no one else is around to judge her, a third slice. Then she covers the cake with tinfoil like, Okay lady, walk away from the cake. But then she uncovers it and stares at it for a minute before slicing off a teeny tiny sliver all along one side like you do when even you don't want to know you went back for fourths. Then she shoves the entire slice into her mouth like, What the hell is wrong with me? and throws the rest of the cake in the trash and leaves the room. But then, not 4 seconds later, she comes back and eats more cake. Out of the garbage!

Everyone was watching like Ew, gross! Please tell me she did not just eat cake out of the trash? But I was thinking, That cake was totally taunting her. What the hell was she supposed to do?

It's kind of like that with these brownies. I haven't eaten any of them out of the trash yet but that's just because I haven't gotten to the point where I'm ready to throw them away. We're so close to being done with them, you know? I am certain we can get rid of them the old fashioned way. One thin little slice after another.

Baked goods just don't make any sense unless there are lots of hungry people around to eat them. Two people and a picky three year old are no match for an entire pan of brownies. Typically I know better than to stack the odds against us like this but it was Father's Day and everyone knows Father's Day is incomplete without brownies and Pepsi. My hands were tied.

After I ate several brownies for dinner last night, I woke up this morning with a firm resolve to try harder. I had a healthy breakfast smoothie, took some vitamins and went to a Pilates class downtown that I had never tried before. As luck would have it we were doing lots of twists and other moves designed to help flush out the system and get rid of excess baked goods. I'm pretty sure our instructor was looking at me when he advised us to drink lots of water after class, "not beer or wine or hard liquor" but I think that was more to do with me falling off my ball and getting church giggles in the middle of class than anything else. I mean, there's just no way he could have known I was going straight home after Pilates to eat more brownies. Right?

Anyway, the point is, while eating excess chocolate may be somewhat problematic, it will definitely not kill you. So go nuts. Like walnuts. In, say...double fudge chocolate brownies? With a Pepsi. The Dad in you life will thank you for it.


Morgan said...


LClaire said...

well now I'm hungry :)

Girl Healthy said...

That was one of the most memorable SATC episodes ever. Love it!! You know, you can hide some spinach puree in those brownies. It reduces some of the calories and all of the guilt. Bake another batch?

erin said...

If you ever have NoMommyBrain baked goods taunting you from under a shady tent of tinfoil, I can help. I am willing to take one for the team and rid you of those brownies. or cupcakes.

I am always here for you.

Katie said...

Typically I make brownies specifically so that I can eat the batter, raw eggs and all! Like a cup of the batter...seriously. Then Eddie and I polish off the brownies:)

ae said...

Words I never thought I'd utter; I really related to that episode of SATC.

Pureed black beans also work well in brownies.

We currently have a jumbo box containing 4 packets of Ghirardelli brownie mix we bought at Costco - we've already made two batches, but it sits there at the house taunting me daily.

bem said...

When Meg & I were little and we lived in Fernley my mom used to make brownies then eat so many of them that she thought our dad would get mad so she finished the rest of them and cleaned up so he never knew!! Sneaky mom! I believe she did the same with rice krispie treats!