Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Don't blame me, I'm high on fumes.

Damn you, generic scrubbing bubbles and your unholy ability to clean a bathtub. You are making it next to impossible for me to fully go green.

I mean, I want to be all eco-friendly and biodegradable or whatever - because it's good for the planet and our health and Oprah has told me on more than one occasion that it's something I need to do (WWOD) - but I also really want to get the bath crayon off my bathtub once in a while. Ain't no vinegar in the world gonna make that happen.

Who needs elbow grease when you've got this little guy?

It's not even me that keeps buying the stuff. It's Bill. If we lived in a Dateline NBC episode, he would be buying it specifically to poison me with noxious fumes. He'd get Liam to draw all over the bathtub with the red bath crayon (the worst offender) and then invite someone over for dinner so I'd be forced to clean it. I wouldn't know until after I'd pulled on my rubber gloves and sprayed every inch of the bathroom with magic bubbles that the window and door were "broken" and I was stuck. Eventually I'd asphyxiate and die - Death by Scrubbing Bubbles - and he'd show up to my funeral with some buxom blond dripping in diamonds he bought with the money from my life insurance policy.

But, obviously, that stuff only happens on TV. In real life, my husband buys scrubbing bubbles because he likes to use them when he cleans the bathroom. Yeah, I know - real life is so much sweeter than the crap on TV.

I have tried to stay away from the scrubbing bubbles but they keep calling me back. There's just nothing I don't like about them. Even the fact that they make the air around me turn to poison is somewhat of a selling point. I can almost always get Liam to leave me alone for five minutes when I cite something serious like toxic gas. My usual excuse - because alone time is good for us - just doesn't have the same ring.

PS - Vinegar? You smell like douche and everyone knows it.

10 comments:

Bill said...

blonde? please. you don't even know me.

sunT said...

hell yes... the scubbing bubbles from hell. i have never agreed with your post more. NOTHING can clean a tub like them!!!
i make sia go outside with jared when i spray (while holding my breath and running out of the bathroom myself). you should see the terror on my face if she sneaks up behind me.
ppttffftt!! to green cleaning a tub! i have given up.

sawaya said...

WWOD! I freaking LOVE it!

ae said...

Personally, I'd love to go over to someone's house and find red bath crayon drawings all over the place.

Sounds like I need to get Scrubbing Bubbles though - Matt stepped into the tub with boots on to fix a washer, and now we have permanent boot prints on the floor of the tub. I kind of don't care, but he hates it.

I'm also a fan of "The Works" which is equally noxious and is essentially watered down sulfuric acid. It's great, though.

Morgan said...

ha ha... soooooo true. In fact I still have a remnant of a crayola tub person mocking me each day as if to say "I am indestructible artwork - take your best shot lady" I think crayola is probably chillin with the scrub company(s) - because there is no other way to get it gone.

Neil Edwards said...

For me Dr. Bronners pure castile soap is a miracle in a bottle. The Castile soap from Trader Joe's is great stuff too...then again I haven't had crayons invade my bathroom...
Give it a go!

jen scaffidi said...

Oh my God. We cannot find The Works anywhere anymore. Where where where where can we get it again?

Jaime Sarrio said...

It took me years to discover scrubbing bubbles and now I will never go back. The only thing that comes close is washing powder and bleach.

Maggie said...

I agree with Neil's comment....any kind of castille soap is great. I mix the Trader Joe's peppermint castille soap with baking soda until is resembles cake frosting then I smear it on my sinks and tub and get to work with a Dobie scrubber. It's amazing how clean it gets things.

ae said...

Jen - we can find "The Works" at Dollar Tree and Big Lots. Yeah, I'm a classy lady. If by classy, you mean cheap!