Thursday, October 22, 2009

Saving on kinetic.

So, as it turns out, I'm lazy. This doesn't come as a shock or anything, it's just something that has been jumping up and biting me on the ass a lot lately. When you're lazy, you can't help but know it. The signs are everywhere: there's the laundry that outgrew the confines of the laundry basket several days before you noticed; the tissue on the floor from the time you blew your nose, tried to make a basket, missed, and walked away without a rebound; the lunch dishes that are still waiting to be cleaned when dinner rolls around; and everything you touched throughout the day lying just where you left it (kinda like a trail of breadcrumbs only decidedly less helpful).

It's not that I'm sitting around watching soaps and eating bon bons all day. (Although, how great does that sound?) I actually try really hard. But I think it's slowly starting to dawn on me that the reason I have to try so hard is because of my laziness. If I just did things right the first time, there would be so much LESS work to do later.

To give you an idea what I'm talking about, here are some of my recent worst of moments:
Letting the dog in from the back yard on a rainy day and being too lazy to dry her off.
Time saved: 1 minute.
Time lost: 45 minutes (30 for mopping the floors, 5 for cursing the dog, 10 for whining and bitching about the wet dog and the dirty floors).

Letting Liam eat "breakfast" in bed with me while I dilly dallied on the computer and put off getting up and starting the day.
Perk: Mama got to stay in bed an extra 30 minutes!
Drawback: Mama had to wash all the bedding (even though it had only been two days and one cup of red Jello since the last change of sheets).

Cleaning (most of) the house for a party by shoving all the clutter and piles of crap into the spare room and shutting the door.
Would have been a great solution: If I was a good enough liar to just take a stinking compliment instead of saying, "Oh, thanks. Yeah, it looks pretty good as long as you don't open this door..." And then opening it up to show people I wasn't kidding around. Plus there's that sinking feeling that happens when you go to clean that part of the house a week later and discover important things like bills hiding in there. And trying to reintroduce that stuff back into the house? Please. My week long effort has made freeing Willy look like a piece of piss. Evidently I can only have 90% of my house clean at one time. What the hell do I do when people come visit and sleep in that room? Oh yeah, tell them not to open the closets...
See what I mean? If I wasn't so lazy on the front end, I wouldn't have to work so hard on the back end. Actually...wait a minute. I think I'm coming up with a solution. See, it's not exactly laziness that's my problem, it's timing. If I could embrace my laziness and make it work for me, instead of against me, I would totally be in business.

I need to take back the word and own it. Kinda like how feminists did with bitch. I'll be like, Hell yeah I'm lazy! I do little things all day long that save me from having to do big things later. I make so much less work for myself, I can veg out in front of the TV like TWICE as much as I used to. I don't let my dishwasher sit full of clean dishes because I know it's just a matter of time before my sink fills up with dirty dishes. I empty it right away because I'm a lazy motherfucker!

It seems like a better solution than trying not to be lazy, right? I mean, let's be honest - that is just NOT going to happen. Because it sounds really hard and, well, you know, the laziness.

Clean LIAM now...

...or clean EVERYTHING later.


Jaime Sarrio said...

Ha! Own your lazy, girl. 9That's nit like owning your lazy, boy -- which is actually kind of expensive.

Celina said...

This made me laugh out loud, Maggie. :D