Bill: "Is that really how you hung those Christmas lights?"
Bill: "You seriously climbed up on that when no one was home? Are you crazy?! What if you fell? You could have knocked over my new TV!
So, yeah. We got a new TV. A big, flat, MTV Cribs-style TV. Alright, maybe it's not that big but it still feels like a serious step up. The other night I couldn't figure out why our kitchen was glowing green. Finally I realized it was because the TV was paused on Steve from Blue's Clues. And, no, the TV is not in the kitchen.
We weren't necessarily in the market for a big ass TV but our old one was starting to fail. I guess we had gotten used to how dark the screen was but when my sister was in town, her fresh pair of eyes made us realize, This is no way to live. During Grey's Anatomy she kept yelling out things like, Is someone having sex? Who are those people? I told her she just had to wait for a scene to take place in a well lit room. You can pretty much figure out the story from what happens during the day, Moose. Be patient. But the next night when we tried to watch Step Brothers (again) in the living room, the pink tint was just too much for us to take. We finally decided to climb into bed and watch the movie in our room (Molly instinctively claimed the spot in the middle which seemed perfectly normal to all of us until we realized how funny it was). The next morning Bill began his search for a new TV.
It seems crazy but I don't even think it's possible to buy a normal looking TV anymore. I mean, you can get a small flat screen but those just look weird. Not that my husband had a problem with this. Oh no. He went from what seemed like a fairly normal guy to an HD talking, 1080p fluent, 37 vs 42" expert. Like a real man's man. When the Direct TV guy was leaving yesterday (after spending 3 hours setting up the high definition satellite Bill got us hooked up with for FREE), and suggested my husband use the old satellite and receiver for tailgating, I didn't even blink. For all I know, he would totally be into that.
When Bill got home from work last night, he had Liam show him how to use the new remote control and then switched from HD channel to HD channel oohing and aahing and yelling for me to, Come check this out! every time he landed on a new one (while simultaneously helping Liam make a popcorn string for the Christmas tree, of course). When the TV landed on football and he and Liam dropped everything to yell, FOOTBALL! and start pounding on each other, I felt like I had seriously entered the Twilight Zone.
Not that this manly thing is entirely new. It's been coming on for some time. But when I think back to the good ol' days, like 4 years ago, it seems pretty damn funny. Here's what Bill wrote (on MySpace of all places!) when he found out we were having a boy:
What happens if he wants to play football? What about hockey? Surely he won’t be interested in dancing and signing. What if he develops a fanatical love of baseball?
You can imagine my surprise when, in three strikes of the ultrasound tech’s finger on the arrow key, responsibility fell on my shoulders. A boy. What am I going to do with a boy? Truth is I’m much better at applying makeup than I am at, say, starting a camp fire. I did experience a fishing phase five years ago but I never caught anything. How could I? I couldn’t kill a fish. Will he understand me? Will he comprehend the means without the end?
Then, dear reader, reality hit. What about Clockwork Orange? Punk rock music? Video games? Skateboarding? Art? Girls? Beer? My new appreciation for Merle Haggard? Oh, this is going to work out just fine. There is no reason to raise a stereotype. My friends have never been easy to classify. Why should Liam?
Speaking on behalf of my son, he is looking forward to meeting all of you soon. He said he can’t wait to discover Hemingway, Capote and Morrissey. I thought that was a little strange too but what can you do? Lastly, he is looking forward to, in about ten years, having a birthday party with all of you and playing football. Damn.
It's funny where life takes us...
Now if Liam wanted to play football for his birthday, Bill would be thrilled.
Of course, he'd be just as happy if he wanted to dance or sing.