Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Louder than words.

Hi there! Remember me? I'm the girl who was all, "Being pregnant is awesome! And natural childbirth? Exhilarating!" Before that I probably said some pretty upbeat stuff about motherhood too, huh?

Well.

That was before I had my ass handed to me by the fourth trimester. I mean, wow. Seriously. Who knew eight pounds of cuteness could pack such a punch? The past twelve (twelve!) weeks have been like a complete blur. And the only reason I can even tell you about it at all is because we are just now starting to come out of the new baby fog. I may not have showered in a couple days but I am sitting at my desk without a baby strapped to my body. That's progress!

Okay, twelve pounds of cuteness.

I used to feel pretty solid when it came to being a mom but now I am seriously outnumbered. As it turns out, two kids are way harder than one. No. Really. WAAAYYY harder than one. It's like juggling, which I suck at, ALL THE TIME.

Totally worth it.

The other night I desperately wanted to read up on colic and/or sleep issues while simultaneously researching what to say to a sensitive preschooler who is having trouble fitting in at school. And yet, I was too busy nursing an overtired baby while saying all the wrong things to my four year old to even consider picking up a book. Not that I could stay awake long enough to read much anyway.

And that pretty much sums up the last 12 weeks.

So anytime you came to this website over the last couple of months and thought, "What the hell? Is this girl ever going to write anything ever again?", just know that not posting was sort of symbolic for what I had to say. Anytime I didn't write it was my way of saying, "Raising two kids is a busy ass job!" or "Hey fourth trimester - bite me!" or "Got milk?" or "I think my brain came out with the placenta!" or "When preschoolers attack!" Pretty much take your pick.

I know you rock star parents out there who have had more than one child and yet somehow managed to still kick ass and take names are probably thinking I'm a total loser. But think back to the very beginning. There must have been some sort of a learning curve, right? Like a few weeks (or months...) where you felt like a crazy person who didn't know your ass from your elbow. Where your house seemed to fall apart around you while you put every last bit of your energy into keeping both children alive and well. Where you somehow forgot to make dinner every night. Where you dreaded anyone else doing something nice for you because you knew you would never remember to thank them in a timely manner. Where your bed became almost like your uniform because you spent so much damn time in it.

No? Okay. Well, maybe it's just me. But! The good news is I definitely feel like things are starting to come together around here (we're still not on a schedule or sleeping through the night or anything like that, but still - progress!). It may have taken me a little time to find my footing but what do you expect? My family grew by a whole person for godsakes! That's kind of a big deal.

And while I'm more than happy to have put all my time and energy into that new person lately (especially now that he's smiling and laughing!), I'm starting to see the importance of diversification. See, when you're doing one thing and one thing only and feel like you're failing at it (we all have those moments), it's kind of hard on the psyche. But if you have a lot of balls in the air and drop, say, the parenting one, it can actually make things a little easier. (i.e. "I totally sucked at being a mom today but I sure am proud of what I wrote!")

So hopefully that means you'll see a little more of me around here from now on. You know, for diversification sake. Oh, and also? The fourth trimester? It's OVER! And I'm pretty sure there's not a fifth.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mags, I would just like to say that you rock. I appreciate the honesty in this blog posting. I remember having days/weeks like what you are describing and it was just with one baby. I'm about to enter your world in about six weeks and some days I'm absolutely scared shittless, but I like to know what's coming and this reality you described...well at least I know what to expect for a little while:) xoxo,~a

Anonymous said...

you forgot to mention that you made it to Reno to visit your family and attend a wedding- a trip that could not have been easy. You are amazing and have many things you should be proud of, like making salads. I love you and am happy that you're writing again!
-Moose

Callie said...

I'm right there with ya! :) Glad you're on the other side.

Joanna said...

This is an older post, so I hope you're still checking comments, but:

Dude, I get my ass handed to me EVERY DAY by those two. (My two, I mean.) The only reason the fourth trimester went so well with D was that we had a wonderful babysitter who came almost every day for a few hours, and picked up Sophia from her DAILY preschool program (that Sean dropped her off at). We had good friends down the hall who had Sophia for hours on weekends. People from the synagogue made us dinner for two weeks.

I barely left the building for a month. And I almost never drove anywhere.

And it was STILL hard. (And it still is, although for entirely different reasons. Except when they play together and it's easier for a few minutes.)

No Mommy Brain said...

joanna - you are awesome. and while it is seriously hard for me to imagine you getting your ass handed to you by your kids, it's nice to hear i'm not the only one. i'd be willing to bet though that while you were struggling to leave the house when d was little you still managed to do a fantastic job keeping up with your writing, sewing, jam making, etc. (seriously - you blow my mind!) i have the opposite problem - i leave the house a lot but i don't accomplish a damn thing! all in good time i hope...