This is not something I'm used to worrying about. While my period hasn't always been the most regular monthly visitor, it's always shown up eventually. And then, a day or two later, it'd be gone. Which I never really appreciated because it was all I had ever known but now that I have the ParaGard IUD, I really miss those good ol' days.
Anyway, when I noticed I'd been blaming my case of the fuck its on PMS for a lot longer than made sense, I asked Bill if he thought I was late. He checked the Pink Pad app on his iPhone (shouldn't every husband know his wife's cycle better than she does?) and the look on his face told me everything.
"Don't worry," I said. "I'm sure it'll be fine."
"Fine? Fine?! How can you say that? This would not be fine. This would be...I don't even know what this would be."
"Settle down, dude. I just meant that I'm sure it'll start soon. It's not like it hasn't been late before."
But it's not easy to just settle down once that idea has been thrown out there. It takes a hold of your brain and makes you do crazy things like come up with baby names, mentally rearrange your home to accommodate another nursery and hop online to see if anyone else has ever gotten pregnant while rocking an IUD.
You know this is a bad idea. It's as stupid as typing your symptoms into Web MD. (Hang nail? Split ends? A stiff neck? YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!) But you are powerless to the lure of strangers oversharing online.
All day Monday, as I tried to go about business as usual, threads like these kept pulling me back to my laptop, forcing me to confirm the inevitable with waves of nausea and carbohydrate cravings.
I warned Bill. "Whatever you do, DO NOT go online."
"No, seriously. Don't. It's like every other woman with an Internet connection has gotten pregnant with the ParaGard!"
"That's why I'm not reading that shit."
"It's crazy. Like sometimes, doctors can't even get it out once you get pregnant. And then it's just like in there with your baby. Or sometimes, they do get it out but then it forces you to miscarry. Oh my gosh, this one woman..."
"Okay! Enough. Step away from the Internet." (Say it like how Garreth Keenan's cookie jar says, "Step away from the cookie jar!" No? Not as big a fan of the Brittish Office as we are? Okay, never mind...)
By Tuesday morning everything was once again right in the world (Thanks, Easter Bunny! Bawk, bawk!) but I can't say the experience didn't shake us. Temporarily facing the possibility of another child was scary as all get out but also kind of...charming. It forced us to take a hard look at our amazing little family and think, more of this couldn't possibly be bad, could it? I mean, yes, adding another life to your home is expensive and challenging and a million shades of difficult, but it's also kind of fantastic. And what better way to live fully and stretch yourself to grow as a human being than to open your heart and home to someone new? How could we possibly deny ourselves and our children the opportunity to experience something so transformative? What were we so afraid of?
After absolutely no thought or deliberation whatsoever, we decided to go for it. Actually, we didn't even decide. It just sort of happened.
One minute, Bill was sending me suggestive texts from work; the next minute, all our lives had changed forever...
PS: It's a girl!