Sunday, January 8, 2012

Hmmm.

I don't really have anything to write at the moment but I was just reading an article on the Oprah website and it suggested saying, "hmmm" out loud to yourself when you feel stuck and need some direction.

I don't think it's working.

Oh, wait. I'm supposed to say it out loud. Lemme try this again.

Hmmm...

Well that was awkward. I'm at the TN State Museum right now and I'm pretty sure nobody can hear me all tucked away in this little office but you never can tell. I can definitely hear the guy in the gift shop whistling (ALL THE TIME) but I don't think I hmmmed as loud as he whistles. Then again, a hmmm and a whistle are pretty much in the same boat. No one is going to fault me for a hmmm. It's annoying, sure, but (apparently) perfectly acceptable public behavior.

Besides, I'm pretty sure this is my last day working here so it's okay if people think I'm weird.

When I told Liam that before I left the house this afternoon he couldn't have been more excited.

"Are you kidding me? Why?! I mean, why can't you just keep working there forever?"

"Oh. Um, well. I was just working a particular exhibit and it's about to close."

"But...I mean...aren't there any other exhibits you could do? What about all our boy time? We'll have to figure out somewhere else to send you on Sundays..."

Fortunately, I was eating super delish migas and drinking coffee while we were chatting so the blow of rejection barely left a mark. Besides, I totally get it. Our Sunday afternoon arrangement is kinda great. I get to go sit in a quiet room behind a computer for 4 rarely interrupted hours while he gets to do whatever the heck he wants with Dada and Finn. That's all around awesomeness.

As I finished up my coffee, it dawned on me - I don't need the museum in order to disappear for a few hours on Sunday. I can just LEAVE! (You'll have to forgive my delayed reaction time - I was out honkytonkin' until 4:30 in the morning...) I'll call Sunday my "work" day and either go somewhere to write or work on some goals or just chain myself to the kitchen table so I can finally finish illustrating my book.

I guess motivation can come from just about anywhere. Thanks for the push, Liam!

Wait a minute. That hmmm trick may have worked! I know it's not fantastic but I did write something just now and that's kind of a relief. See, whenever I go more than a few days without posting, I start to think that the next thing I write has to be really good. You know, to make up for all the days of not writing. So then not only am I a bit rusty, I've also put all this pressure on myself to do a really really great job. Which I quickly convince myself is impossible because, hello!?, if I was any good at this I probably wouldn't have gone a whole week without posting in the first place! Then the pressure builds and builds and I get rustier and rustier and then days become weeks and suddenly it feels next to impossible to put words on a page. But once I write something (anything!) I can go back to posting as I please without worrying so much if it will be good enough or not.

Let's hope a regularly scheduled work day will have a similar effect.

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