Friday, February 3, 2012

99 problems.

Every time I try to get on the Internet at my house, it’s unavailable. EVERY. TIME.

At 7:15 this morning I realized our kid bread was growing mold so there was nothing for me to make Liam’s peanut butter-Nutella-honey sandwich on.

It’s all he’ll eat at lunch right now. Sure, I could send him something different, but then he would eat nothing for lunch like he did yesterday. He has to eat something today. We’re bringing treats to school for his birthday!

Oh crap! I forgot to make treats!!!

Nothing an emergency trip to Kroger won’t fix. I’ll pick up some kid bread and popsicles and drop everything off before lunch.

Or…I could drop his lunch off first and then come back with the popsicles so Finny and I could hang out with his class during recess. Surely Finn could find a way to nap around that…

Drive all the way up to the “good” Kroger so I don't get stuck giving the kids frozen Red #7 on a stick.

Spend $15 on popsicles (but they’re poison-free so…priceless!).

Get home with about 30 minutes to spare before Liam goes to the cafeteria empty handed. Finn is ready for a nap and I realize I only have about half the stuff I paid for.

Fortunately, the popsicles and kid bread are part of the half that made it home.

Call Kroger to let them know that I know some of my bags didn’t make it into my cart (these things happen, right?). The girl who answers the phone says something like, “SomethingsomethingKrogercanyouhold,” so I say, “Sure!” and then sit there for like 30 seconds before I realize I’m not on hold. “Hello?” I say. “Hello.” “Oh, sorry. I thought you said you were putting me on hold.” “No.”

The conversation only goes downhill from there.

It’s now 5pm. They’re still “looking into” what happened to my groceries.

So far I’ve been nice enough not the mention that the bagger literally had his eyes closed the entire time he was bagging my groceries but I’m running out of patience. I thought it was kind of charming – like maybe he was trying to get more in touch with his other senses – but now I’m just annoyed.

Because Bill’s mom is coming to town on Sunday and I was planning to wash all the sheets and the shower curtain and all that kind of stuff today but the stupid laundry detergent is still at Kroger or wherever the guy with his eyes closed decided to put it.

We didn’t know she was coming until yesterday which means the cleaners won’t be back until after she’s been here a few days. So I’m going to have to clean. On Saturday.

I just called Kroger (3rd time today!) and the person I spoke to this time said, “Oh good Lord.” Seriously. Now I’m on hold.

My sister sent balloons to Liam at school today for his birthday. Isn’t that the coolest, most thoughtful thing anyone could do for an almost six-year old boy? If you see her, you should totally tell her that because the balloon company mixed up the order and accidentally delivered a pink and white bouquet of flowers to Liam with a happy birthday balloon attached. He didn’t seem at all fazed by the mix-up (“thanks for the flowers, Moose!”) but she is mortified. “It’s like the time I adopted a bonobo from World Wildlife Fund for him and the stuffed monkey they sent him with the human hands totally freaked him out…”

And there’s the balloon…

Bill’s mom will arrive just in time for the Superbowl/Liam’s birthday and stay through the following week. Which is good because we’re going to Vegas next weekend for Bill’s 35th birthday! But since we just found out she’s coming, we already hired a sitter. Now I don’t know what to do.

I have NO IDEA what to wear in Vegas. A boob job and a spray tan seem like a good start but I only have one weekend before we leave and I’ll be spending it cleaning, celebrating my biggest boy’s birthday and drinking a 40.

Cause it’s the Superbowl, duh.

On the upside, it’s Friday! (Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday…). And it’s after five. Which means, not only will my adoring husband be home soon, but I can also have a glass of wine now without feeling like a total lush.

Not to mention… I can hear Liam next door playing outside with his friends, his grandmamma is coming to town for his birthday, we get to have leftovers for dinner, it’s the freakin' weekend, Finn is taking an epic nap, the Internet just came back up, I get to go to Las Vegas with my husband (with NO KIDS!!!), and people actually come to our house and CLEAN IT FOR US (incredible). Plus, I'm sure Kroger will eventually hand over my detergent and mangoes and frozen green beans and avocados (right?!). I'm just saying, I know I don't have anything to complain about, but it sometimes feels good to do it anyway. Especially when you’re sitting on hold. Oh good Lord, I can't believe I’m still on hold...


Morning Cloak said...

Love the stream of consciousness, which could have turned into a rant but just ended up funny. Your writing always makes me smile

No Mommy Brain said...

aw, shucks. ; )

Caddie said...

Did you ever get your groceries??