Saturday, December 22, 2012

Is it too late to believe in Santa Claus?

Okay, maybe that's not quite what I mean. I obviously believe in Santa Claus. Believing is way more fun than not believing. What I'm really wondering is if it's too late to rely on him. Heavily. Like just hand him the reins and let him do his thing. And my thing. I basically want Santa to do all the things. Because as fun as it is, I'm starting to think it would be a heck of a lot more fun with a bunch of elves and flying reindeer at my disposal.

For some reason it just feels kind of hard this year. The shopping and wrapping and decorating and all the never ending good cheer and merriment. Making the magic happen for an entire month is just a lot to ask, you know? Maybe too much to ask. I mean, I can make some magic happen, sure. But the epic proportions we've come to expect at Christmas? That's definitely a job for Santa.

I actually got up at four o'clock this morning so I could finish stuffing envelopes and wrapping presents and making toffee and getting everything ready to ship off to our family. Yes, it was absolutely the last possible second. And if I'm honest, the real reason I got up before dawn was NOT to unleash my inner elf but just because I was having trouble sleeping. Finn is sick with a fever (and two ear infections) and super pathetic so he woke up about a million times last night whimpering and needing to be held. It's so sad. And evidently highly contagious.

Because earlier in the night as we were wrapping up dinner with friends I suddenly had the sneaking suspicion my time for making conversation was coming to an abrupt end and I had to GO. HOME. NOW. I said goodbye (or rather, "I think I have what Finn has and I have to leave right now oh my god I don't know I feel really sweaty bye guys merry Christmas..."), walked as fast as I could out the front door and immediately projectile vomited all over the sidewalk.


Fortunately that was my one and only trip to Yakima Valley (so far...) but the whole episode left me feeling pretty lousy. So when Finn kept waking up last night and Bill had already done more than his fair share of rocking and soothing, I got out of bed to hang out with my little hot water bottle and COULD NOT fall back asleep again. So I got up and did my best to get a months worth of good tidings done before anyone else woke up.

But the problem with procrastination is it doesn't take into account things like sick babies or random stomach bugs. It doesn't keep track of things like Scotch tape and how there's not a single roll of it in the entire house. It might know that extreme last minute shipping costs three times as much as the gifts you should have bought three weeks ago but it doesn't care enough to tell you.

Even if I had somewhat of an understanding of things like "dates" and "time" and how none of that stands still when you need it to, I still don't think I would have knocked it out of the park this year. You know those amazing people who do the Elf on the Shelf thing and post pictures of their elf doing clever and hilarious things every single day? Yeah. I'm like the opposite of that this year.

I bet none of those elf on the shelfers have ever forgotten to water the Christmas tree when their husbands were out of town. Yes. I'm finally admitting it. The reason our tree looks like it's melting and could easily take an eye out shish kabob style because it's so dry and spiky is because I totally forgot to water it the entire time Bill was in Chicago earlier this month. I've been denying it pretty heavily these last couple of weeks but that's just because I'm not even half as awesome as Santa.

You know what else I did this year? Or rather, didn't do? The advent calendar. Just completely let that one slide. Even though my kid (who is seriously awesome and deserves a tiny stocking full of sugary crap at least once a day) reminded me a hundred times a day for an entire week, I still just couldn't make it happen. How Scrooge is that? When I apologized for it he said, "Yeah, it seems like maybe you're so busy hanging out with me and teaching me and stuff that you don't have as much time for the calendar this year." I was like, "Yeah, I guess so," and then totally let myself off the hook.

No Santa ever did that.

When Liam met Santa earlier this week in Louisville, he told him he wanted an angry bird for Christmas. Or more specifically, "The really big softies they have at Costco." As much as I'm sure Santa appreciated the specifics, he asked Liam if it would be okay if he just got a little one. Like the dozens he has already? No way, dude! Liam wants a huge softy! He's "desperate for it"! But much to my surprise Liam said, "Well, sure. That'd be great!" I couldn't believe it - I, er, Santa - was off the hook once again. I would no longer have to weigh my options and decide which was worse - a couch sized Angry Bird in my house or a slightly less than magical Christmas morning.

And that's why I am so glad I believe in Santa. I can just leave it up to the big guy in red and let him make the call. Is he going to let himself off easy or take this one last chance to make Christmas 2012 merry and bright? I for one am hoping for some magic. We are definitely ready for it.

PS - For the record I did not actually get anything except Christmas cards shipped off on time to arrive by Christmas. My house is a total wreck, my tree is sincerely ugly and I still have a million presents to wrap (okay, not really a million, it just feels that way because it takes me so long to wrap them). I'm actually considering going to the mall tomorrow which sounds completely insane but procrastination don't care. I'm still not feeling as heavy metal as I'd like to and - this is the worst of the worst - now Bill is sick too. We are seriously in need of a Santavention. C'mon big guy! We're ready and waiting. On the couch. Watching Pump up the Volume and debating if we should have seconds on mashed potatoes...

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